On reflection a lot of my ‘life learnings’ have been negative ones. There was a time when I felt I was little more than an object of men’s sexual desires – men would literally talk to my chest – and I feared that I would never find the kind of deep spiritual relationship that I wanted, through which my sexuality, and that of my man’s could be truly and authentically expressed, without question. And sadly most of the women around me too were largely interested in repressing and belittling me, in putting me down – suffocating my true feeling s and starving my spirit.
It was only once I had learned to contain my sexuality – literally by properly controlling my breasts – that I started to properly develop my femininity. Then people – men – started to talk to Me, and not just my boobs, I became a person and not just a potential notch on the bedpost!
What I have come to realise is that there is little if any education for girls about how to properly deal with their emerging sex appeal as their bodies develop – some much more obviously and earlier than others.
What lessons they take come from television and the advertising companies with their very narrow and manufactured portrayal of what is desirable.
Sex sells products, of course it does, it’s a hugely appealing and hard to ignore basic instinct. But when young women – girls really – believe that they have to have a particular body shape in order to be desirable, to be desired – in short to be ’loved’ by men (boys) then if they don’t feel that they fit that very narrow image they start turning on themselves mentally, spiritually and they start hating their bodies and then themselves, for not looking the way they want to look – which is only ever the way the industry is telling them they should look! If as women we could just educate our girls – our emerging women – to understand that they need to let their man love her for who she is – and not for whom she aspires to be – then the man would truly love her and make love to her – not just screw her.
This makes me so annoyed, sad and frustrated that I find it hard to express. Where are the people standing up for individuality, for expression instead of repressive exploitation?
Centuries ago in this country we were once drowned in duck ponds and burned at the stake for being women of the earth, healers, sharing an ancient knowledge of the use of herbs and working with the power of Mother Nature and shining from the inside out. But because we were “different” this led us into conflict – often with other women – because by being different, by not conforming we were challenging them.
I sometimes think that we are still in the dark ages – still burning witches – those who were perceived as different and not conforming. Except that these days we don’t we don’t publicly destroy the non-conformers by drowning them in duck ponds – instead – and possibly even worse – we encourage women to persecute and punish themselves, not physically (though some do) but mentally punishing and repressing themselves, drowning their true spirits, torching their ability to love and be loved, unconditionally.
I believe that men don’t understand this – they just don’t get it. They do not appreciate the constant torture of the poor souls who believe that they are not worthy of true love, that they are not princesses in this world but instead see themselves as witches outside the perfect norm, trapped in bodies that do not to conform to the accepted standards of beauty set by the advertising industry.
It is not understood, this constant low level “self-persecution” but it manifests itself earlier now in this new generation – where children are saving up for boob jobs, liposuction and other dreadful cosmetic abuses because they believe that this will give them the body that boys will want. They desperately want to be seen as the princess in their story and not as the witch. But what they don’t understand is that like Cinderella and her magic eight hour fix, they will not be able to sustain being who they are not. The solution they seek is illusory, transitory. If they want to live happily ever after they have to learn to love the person they are now, they have to love themselves first for who they are not what body shape they are, and then the beauty that lives within them will shine out and dazzle their princes.
I often say “Shine from inside and feel safe to let your jewel out”. By this I mean let the true woman within you – your femininity – be seen, and don’t feel guilty or repressively self-conscious because men now look at you and other women give you negative side glances!
This is why I am where I am today. My life experiences have led me to this point and here I am – in the lingerie business. Because by being in this business I truly believe I can help people to come to love the body they have and not to seek to change it through surgery or any other extreme methods.
In my work in fitting women with the correct bras, bridal underwear, bedroom lingerie or designer lingerie I want women to feel empowered, not repressed, I want to help them regain the unconditional love they had for themselves before they started trying to measure up to unrealistic and false standards. I want to release the beauty that shines within all women so that they can go out again and shine and dazzle and be the princess in their own stories.